A Sad Story…
Barbara was stunned. The bloated body they pulled out of the river had been violently stabbed to death. There was no mistaking that this was her husband (she knew it by the clothes he wore). Only a short time ago, having devoted themselves to God’s work, she and Roger had left America together to serve the Lord in a strange, new place. But now she was bereaved. Barbara had every reason to feel sorry for herself.
Barbara Youderian was married to one of the five missionaries who were killed by headhunters in 1956; Jim Elliot, Peter Fleming, Ed McCully, Nate Saint, and Roger Youderian. Without any warning, five young widows were left alone in the jungles of Ecuador to process what had just happened to the men they loved, and their future without them. That included Barbara. She was stunned.
A Similar Situation…
Self-pity grows best in a climate like that one. When a person who’s committed to doing the Lord’s will receives (what seems to be) unfair treatment in spite of it, self-pity can flourish. When the very things we expect to bring reward, end up feeling like punishment, it’s hard not to sulk. Author Jon Bloom writes, “Self-pity is our sinful, selfish response to something not going the way we think it should”. And since the Christian life and ministry rarely (if ever?) go the way we “think it should”, feeling sorry for yourself can happen fast.
Jesus is branded in Scripture as a “man of sorrows” and by theologians as a “Suffering Servant”. Even though His life was marked from beginning to end with undying love & perfect obedience, much of what He got in return was disapproval, mockery, & abuse. It’s the true servants of God who have more occasion for self-pity than, perhaps, anyone else alive. One of the great victories of the Christian sojourn therefore, is to learn how to properly manage our feelings when God’s plan reveals an unexpected twist.
“If you suffer for doing what’s right, and endure it patiently, God is pleased with you” (I Peter 2:20).
A Sinful Response…
Problems are never fixed by self-pity, they’re only made worse. Merriam-Webster defines the term as a “self-indulgent dwelling on one’s own sorrows or misfortunes”. It’s like poison to the soul, but we drink it anyway, totally unaware of the suicide we’re attempting. And serving the Lord can make a person thirsty for it, so be careful. The more self-pity you swallow, the more it swallows you. The Prophet Jonah drank his fair share, and barely survived to tell the tale. It wasn’t the fish that nearly killed him, as much as it was his bad attitude.
As risky as it is to be faithful to Jesus in a hostile world, it’s we ourselves that we should be most careful of. It’s quite often a poor outlook that slays a servant of God rather than the danger of the work itself. Much of what we call “burnout” has self-pity as its underlying cause. Dwelling on our own misfortune is exhausting, self-defeating work, and it’s been the ruin of many. Oswald Chambers cautions against too much introspection, because it “awakens self-pity. And self-pity” he says, “is satanic”.
A Special Honor…
Barbara Youderian kept a diary. On the very night that she learned of her husband’s murder, she wrote to explain the peace she felt: “I want to be free of self-pity. It is a tool of Satan to rot away a life…I am sure that this (situation) is the perfect will of God…the Lord has closed (my) heart to grief & hysteria, and filled in with His perfect peace”…
Doing God’s will can seem very unfair at times, and the devil will remind you of it every chance he gets. I don’t know of anyone who doesn’t face this battle every once in a while; I’m sure Barbara did. But she also knew that serving the Lord, no matter how difficult it was, or how high the price, was an honor above all honors. She understood that fact when she went to Ecuador with her husband, and even more so when she came home alone.
No one is more pitiful than the Christian who pities themselves for having to serve the Lord. Nobody on earth should pity you for having such a high privilege…Nobody.
…Not even yourself.